For me, mutual caring is the method that I use to say: “I love you”. While, I may not have the courage to tell one in person I try to make sure that the people I care about can feel it. I persistently try to give without ever expecting anything in return. Only when we offer without expectations can one truly enjoy the gift of honest camaraderie.
With certain people, friendship is instantaneously, like my friend K, E, and S. With You, I wanted to be your friend immediately. I found delight in the way you titled your head to the left with a crooked smile and giggled at my dumb jokes. That is why “I loved you”, but you also inspired me with your joys, successes, frustrations, and failures. I want to jump for joy when you are feeling bliss and hold your hand when you are sorrowful. Because I believe when life is disheartening and we can only feel our own misery is when our true friends come to our aid without asking.
Furthermore, it is during the arduous times that an intimacy develops between friends. You shared with me the difficulties of your life. My heart broke when you said all you wanted was “unconditional love”. Like a good ally, I promised you exactly that ...unconditional love. I am sorry that I failed you.
In the beginning of our friendship, I truly believed I was strong enough to weather any storms you had. I wanted to be your life preserver the way K, E, and S had been for me. You asked me not to let you go; but I did. Forgive me, for I was weak and let others influence me about you and I …regret it.
I will continue to believe in your ideas because you have promise and that is a beautiful quality in a friend. I will always remember lovingly how much you smiled when you talked about your dreams and aspirations. When you spoke, your eyes gleamed with happiness, as is if they could no longer contain the joy and pride you felt. I wish I could have captured that moment.
In addition, I should have disclosed to you that not only do we share a zeal for cooking; but also that we have the same family structure and up bringing. However, I was too scared to tell you. It is for those reasons that I do understand where you are coming from even if I cannot admit it aloud to myself.
In any case, I know you are strong enough and capable of overcoming any adversary because you are trained to do so. For I know that you have moved on, but I wanted you to know that you were right about everything concerning true friendship.
Finally, I baked this banana cake with you in mind. It is rich, buttery, and travels well. Should it need to trek many, many, many miles from here. It would be my pleasure to ship this cake anywhere ...just for you.
PRINT: BANANA SNACK CAKE